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14 row(s) tagged with keyword funny.
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Talking to @god - May 14, 2009
I don't talk to God that often. I tend to listen a lot. But today was different. @god broadcast a tweet, and I spoke back, and got a reply!.
@god spoke to me.
and made me laugh.
One Reason that First Class May be Worth It - January 27, 2009
First Class airfare is typically out of my reach. However, on some flights, the extra cost may be worth it.
My Message Is Not Getting Through - January 26, 2009
Sometimes I get upset with the kids for things they do. Because it really doesn't happen very often, they often don't react immediately. In my parental myopic belief that my kids are basically good and not manipulative, my opinion is that I don't think they immediately recognize when I'm being serious.
Today Sara was working on a project coloring with felt-tip markers on the floor. Our floor is wood. I was not in the room watching.
Later I returned to the room to find markings on the floor. The hair started to stand up on my neck as neatness (actually lack of neatness) with markers has in the past been a source of disciplinary action. So when I saw markings on the floor I thought that "bad daddy" would need to make an appearance.
Me: "Sara! There are green markings on the floor. What did we tell you about using markers?"
Sara: "That's not green Daddy, it's blue."
Smackdown by an 8 year old - January 19, 2009
I've got an "itchy" spot on my upper back right between my shoulder blades. For some time now I've been apply some steroid cream to it to quell the itchiness.
My employer does not test for steroids, so I'm ok on that front.
This morning, Garrett was in the bathroom with me while I bent my arm to apply the cream my back.
He looked at me and said "What's that Daddy, hair care product?".
Twitter: RT @oneon: "Br... - January 15, 2009
Twitter Update: RT @oneon: "Breaking NEWS" Bush threatens Canada with retaliation on "Aggressive use of Geese" in US Air crash #flight1549
Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MojoMark
Twitter: Just in: PETA explor... - January 15, 2009
Twitter Update: Just in: PETA explores lawsuit against USAirways.
Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/MojoMark
Memories of my Youth: Realities of my Present - January 05, 2009
One of Sara's playmates had her 7th birthday party this weekend. This party was at an old-fashioned roller skating rink. The rink was closed to the public during "party time" and since we were the only party planned, our group of 15 kids and related adults had the place to ourselves.
Growing up, the family of a girl in my neighborhood owned the local skating rink - I think it was Skateland. Leslie was one of those long-term neighborhood kids that I went to school with from Kindergarten all the way through high school (I think there were 13 of us as measured at our 25 year HS reunion). Of course Leslie was a prize winning skater, but because we were all friends, outings to Skateland were regular. I was a pretty decent skater in those days.
On Saturday, all those memories came flooding back. The disco ball, the snack bar, skate rental, DJ music, and the illusion of cool. Missing was the teen angst, and raging puberty hormones - but I really didn't "miss" those.
So, on with the rental skates and out on the floor I go. After some initial trouble, I did get some of those feelings back, and gradually felt more comfortable out on the floor - bouncing to the rhythms of the music, crossing over on the turns, pinching the fannies of the girls (just ones I'm related to now).
Can you see what's coming next?
I think it was a 4.2 on the Richter Scale.
Coming off the skating floor on to the carpeted non-skating area gravity seemed to wake up at the comedic potential of a heavy, 44-year old with too much confidence. Suddenly my feet sped up, and my torso slowed down and I disappeared behind the wall.
If someone had been watching me, I can only imagine how funny it would have looked. Something like Wile E. Coyote falling off a cliff. There he is. And in an instant: There he isn't.
Thankfully, there was no serious damage - to me or the facility. Nobody saw me fall (either that or nobody laughed out loud to my face) so my pride is in tact. The swelling on my wrist has finally begun to go down and my back and neck are stiff, but workable. I suppose it was my ego that took the biggest hit - that and those fond memories of the skating rink.
Minnesota Funny - October 07, 2008
The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.
Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner.
After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota.
There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties. At the end of the first day, John Mc. returned to the starting line and he had ten fish.
Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another 'bad hair' day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.
At the end of the 2nd day John Mc. came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.
That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, 'Obama, I think John Mc. is a low-life, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.'
The next night (after John Mc. returns with 50 fish), said to Obama, 'Well, tell me, how is John Mc. cheating?'
Obama replied, 'Harry, you're not going to believe this, but he's cutting holes in the ice.'
Experience Counts
Mis-communication - September 17, 2008
A story told in the first person received via email... authenticity is suspect, but I think you'll laugh...
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it.
I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Below is a picture of the note. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.........
I'd Better Get Used to It - March 22, 2008
Sara displays that she is truly Marie's daughter...
Sara: Daddy, should I wear the purple one or the green one?
Me (not really caring as they were essentially identical): The purple one.
Sara: I think I'll wear the green one.
Me (under my breath): Glad to be of service.
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