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21 row(s) meet your search criteria for June , 2003.
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A Married Moment - June 30, 2003
Mark Pilgrim, at Diveintomark.org is recently married, and posted the "Married Quote of the Day"
Whichever one you want will be fine, dear, as long as it’s the one I was secretly thinking of.
However, it may not have been uttered by who you might think...
I thought it was funny to share.
RSS Feed - June 30, 2003
I wrote a function to provide an RSS feed on Sunday - it was incredibly simple - surprisingly so. If you don't know what an RSS feed is, then you probably don't need to know. But, it is an automated way for people to use a piece of software (called an "Aggregator") to collect the information provided on your site and read it (or at least some of it - I'm publishing the first 300 characters of the blog entries and the joke entries). Instead of you visiting the site, the software does and reports back to you if new information is available. This way you don't spend time visiting the sites only to find articles you have already read. A possible time saver to some folks.
I tested my feed using Amphetadesk (it's free software), although there are plenty of other alternatives out there. I'm still playing with this, and am trying to find the value. Only three of the sites on my daily reads offer the feed. I suppose it would be more important if I was reading LOTs of websites it would be more helpful. But I'm only at 9 "dailies" that I visit, and the time is not significant with fast connections. Maybe if I was dialup it would be more valuable. I'll report back on my experience.
On a similar topic however, I thought about writing an aggregator myself, using my Oracle skills. Seems easy, and I can offer it's usage to you ! Oracle has the http interface to grab the files on a scheduled basis, parse the XML effectively, and the web interface can be easily built to be customizable by the user..... hmmmm the Mojo Portal.
Just another thing on my "to do" list......
New MojoMark - June 27, 2003
Over the last day or so I've had the opportunity to make some changes here (work is slow so I'm in the "Business Development" mode which means I'm goofing off at home). Yesterday I mentioned the web log changes. What I didn't mention is the changes to the commenting system that allows you to specify if you want your name information saved so that the next time you post a comment, you don't have to type it in. This is controlled by the "remember be" checkbox and the "Forget me" button. When you fill in the form, click the "remember me" box and then post your comment. The next time you goto the comment screen the information will be filled in. Click the Forget me button and the information is cleared and forgotten.
Today I re-posted the Entertainment icon in the navigation bar above. This page features a collection of jokes I get in my inbox from a variety of friends. Often, the jokes I receive are stupid. But sometimes they are good for a grin on an otherwise dreary day. So, because I abhor forwarding jokes via email to everyone I know, I decided that it would be better to post them here, and not spam my friends. This way, we can share using a "pull" methodology, not a "push".
Just my contribution to stopping spam. You can thank me now.
Talking Dog - June 27, 2003
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
Men's Rules - June 27, 2003
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
- Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. You have your period, we have ours.
- Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
- Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
- We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Check your oil! Please.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic and instinctive.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
- ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- No you really do have too many shoes
- It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
- BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
- I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Who's the Boss - June 27, 2003
A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
Life Explained - June 27, 2003
On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Let me have ten years and I'll give back the other ten, okay? And God agreed again.
On the third day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have fun and, enjoy life.. Do nothing, just enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. I tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy life, and have fun; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.
Life has now been explained.
Tacky Joke - June 26, 2003
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. "I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?" "I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied. "No, I won't." "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool. "See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!" "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
Fun with Web Logs - June 26, 2003
I say Web Logs not in the "Blog" sense, but in the sinister details that this webserver collects in log files. There are plenty of log file analysis software out in the marketplace, some of it is even free. But being the geeky computer nerd I am, I wrote my own. Prior to today, I've displayed stats about what kind of browser you are using, if you are an AOL user, and what time you visited the site. But today I added a few items to the repertoire.
- Page Views by Hour shows the time of day when Mojomark is viewed.
- Referrers shows the places from which visitors to Mojomark.com came from. If you just typed in www.mojomark.com, then you are not reflected in these numbers. But if you clicked a link and found yourself here, then you are!
- Search Stings by Portal is interesting because this tells you the searches that people performed on either Google or Yahoo resulting is a search result pointing to MojoMark.com. Some of them are pretty weird... I like the two Katie Couric references.
So if you are interested, goto the About section of the website, then click on the "Profile of Visitors to MojoMark"
Refi Fun - June 24, 2003
We did a re-finance on the house last month. We were with Countrywide at 6.875, and re-fi'd down to a 5.875 at no cost to us. Not the best rate available, but we didn't want to provide any cash to get the rate down.
In closing, we noted that the company we did the refi with was listed as the lender. We were told that they would probably sell the loan before the first payment was due. This is normal, its happened before and its no big deal.
Funny thing is, that they sold it to Countrywide - the lender who had our old loan. I wonder if we would have contacted Countrywide directly if they would have done the deal without fees as well? I think I'll call the lender on our Rental to see what we can swing.
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