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10 row(s) meet your search criteria for January , 2006.

Ho Ho Holy Crap! He Looks Dead Already - January 25, 2006

artDon Ho was a late addition to my roster. In December, he went to Thailand for an "experimental heart treatment" that injected stem cells into his heart to aid in his battle with heart failure caused by cardiomyopathy.

"Thailand". "Healthcare". "Experimental". "Heart Failure". Keywords that should equal low hanging fruit in the Dead Pool, right?.

He seemed like a better pick than Elizabeth Taylor who was on my roster last year.

But now he's back to work same old hotel, doing the same old show, with the same old jokes.

One of those jokes, is a phone call to Elvis, but now, I think it may end a little differently....

......
Elvis:Hey Donny - Say hello to blue hawaii for me will you?
Don: Ok, Elvis. It was nice talking to you again......See you soon!

75 year old Don Ho is on 5 other rosters and looks to be worth about 50 points.

#  | 04:17 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Web-Assignment)

My Silly Wife - January 11, 2006

I was abused at the dentist today. My mouth aches.

Nothing serious procedure-wise, a stepped up cleaning where they do half your teeth after giving you a local anestetic.

Still, it hurts.

Sainted Wife, being one of those people who floss every day and think going to the dentist is a friggin mouth party, was trying to get a smile from my aching face.

SW: Your teeth look great!
Me: Gimme a break. You can't even tell.
SW: No really - much better.
Me: Ok, floss nazi - which side looks better?

She gets up close, spreads my cheeks to get a better look. After a few seconds of close examination...

SW: This side. (pointing to my left)
Me: WRONG!!!! You lie like a rug. My plaque covered, gingivitus growing, gum shrinking side looks better? You can't even tell. I'll show you my pain!

She went whimpering away.

I hate the dentist. I think I'll go swish some saltwater and rinse with big mug of brandy.

#  | 08:57 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Funnies)

An Alternative Career - January 10, 2006

The 23rd annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards Show was last night in... where else... Las Vegas. I'm sure there is no coincidence that the show, which attracts the top "talent" in the industry is scheduled on the heels of the Consumer Electronics Show, one of the most concentrated gathering of electronic gadget freaks and geeks in the world.

Geeks + Porn Stars = Strip Club Cash Flow

Billed as the first awards show of the season, AVN Magazine gives out a number of awards for the industry such as "Male Performer of the Year", and "Best Film Actress". I'm not sure who the front-runners were for each of the categories since I seem to have missed "Ebert & Roeper's AVN Special".

Besides the eye candy, Reuters found the red carpet "newsworthy":

But unlike the Golden Globes and Emmys, the goody bag contained "Barely Legal" playing cards and Hustler condoms, and the stars such as Arnold Schwartzenpecker and Britney Rears were not quite household names.

Heh. Schwartzenpecker.

My roster contains no porn stars. However, Mr. Schwartzenpecker and Ms. Rears got me to thinking... Could any of my picks have an alternative career?

Let me introduce - Ronnie Biggs. Yeah baby, that will work.

Nevermind that he's in jail. Nevermind he's 76 years old. Nevermind that he's been rumored to be dying - since 2001 when he petitioned the government for early release on the grounds of "his health was deteriorating rapidly and he asked to be released to the care of his son for his remaining days."

(I thought about putting this entry in the category of "Your Pick Sucks", but that would be too literal.)

Biggs is on 6 rosters and looks to be worth about 49 points

#  | 08:08 AM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Web-Assignment)

Zarqawi Says Voting is Stupid - January 09, 2006

The pseudo-news organization "Reuters" is reporting that they have read a web page.

Zarqawi asks Sunnis to shun politics for jihad: Web

Hmmm. Let me get this straight..... You want Iraqis to not go to the ballot box, but go to "Strap-on Bombs.com" and blow myself to Allah instead?

I think you need to work on your sales skills Abu... 72 virgins might be a strong selling point for some (personally, I like my women with a little more experience), but I'll keep my big screen TV and watching the Seahawks spank the Redskins next weekend.

It's things like this marketing plan that will really limit your upward mobility in the organization - especially since the management of Al Qaeda seems to be in flux:

And, according to Iranians I trust, Osama bin Laden finally departed this world in mid-December. The al Qaeda leader died of kidney failure and was buried in Iran, where he had spent most of his time since the destruction of al Qaeda in Afghanistan.

Kidney failure. What a wussy way to go for a notorious terrorist. David Koresh and the Branch Dividian's - now they knew how to go out with a flash!

Me and 11 other players have Abu Musab al-Zarqawi on their roster. He turns 40 this year (in October) and is worth 86 points until then.

#  | 10:45 AM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Webdesign)

Russian Public Enemy Number One - January 06, 2006

No, I'm not talking about Vodka.

The US has Osama.

Israel has their Arafat's (or the lineup of jokers following in his footsteps).

The Yankees have the Red Sox (and vice versa).

So I think it's safe to say that with great power comes arch-enemies.

For Russia, that incarnation of evil is Shamil Basayev

Early in his career, Basayev was a considered a Chechen rebel, fiercely fighting the Russians for Chechen independence. When the fight became increasingly desperate, his tactics turned ugly as they began to resort deadly terrorist attacks on Mother Russia.

One of his most heinous crimes was the Beslan school massacre in September 2004. This attack, allegedly planned and financed by Basayev, killed 350 people, mostly kids on their first day of school.

This action caused the Russian Government to put a $10 million bounty on Basayev's head - not based on conviction - but "for information leading to his capture."

300 million rubles is a lot of Vodka and a nice vacation to Havana. Any takers out there?

Based on his history however, I expect his "capture" will be by a Russian sharpshooter or a well placed blow up doll ( blow up like a bomb you pervert - get your mind out of the gutter!).

I had him last year, and there were several claims about his death via combat, subsequently proven untrue. Hopefully, this is the year. He'd be worth about 85, plus a 20 point "deadly duo" bonus for 105 and up to 4 bonus prizes.

#  | 03:20 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Webdesign)

Inappropriately Funny - January 05, 2006

In a scene analogous to making fun of the retarded kid after his house burns down, The Tampa Bay Cheerleaders, during halftime of last week's football game, did a routine to "Rock You Like a Hurricane", a hit song from the late 80's by the legendary Scorpions.

"So What" you say.

The game was against the New Orleans Saints.

In case you missed it, the city had recently experienced one of Mother Nature's little tantrums named "Katrina".

Sorry New Orleans, I know it's wrong - but I laughed when I heard that.

Next time they'll do something to a "Katrina and the Waves" song, or maybe an artistic impression of "When the Levee Breaks" from Led Zepplin IV.

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break,
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.

#  | 09:48 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Funnies)

Memories of a National Championship - January 04, 2006

1969 was the last time the Texas Longhorns were declared the National Champion in a bowl game not named after a corporate sponsor. They came close several more times (in 1970, 1977, and 1983) over the next 34 years

But tonight......

On that day, Dead Pool favorite Billy Graham (15 rosters, including mine and qualifies for at least three bonus prizes) was there for the invocation, and God seemed to shine upon the Longhorns as they beat the second ranked Arkansas Razorbacks 15-14.

I don't know if he was there during those years where they could have earned the Championship, but I know he won't be there tonight.

He has suffered from Parkinsons disease for about 15 years, has had fluid on the brain, pneumonia, broken hips, and recently revealed that he is suffering from prostate cancer. In August, 2005, a frail Graham appeared at the groundbreaking for his library in Charlotte, North Carolina. Then 86, Rev. Graham was forced to use a walker to get around during the ceremony.

Sheesh! No wonder he's a favorite.

But tonight.....they will come close again.

My prediction: USC 42 - Texas 27 and Reggie Bush gains 223 yards and, in a fit of irony, plays for the NFL's Houston Texans this fall.

#  | 04:15 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Webdesign)

Dead Pool Prizes - January 04, 2006

There are 40 different prizes available in this years Dead Pool - not even counting the prizes for being in the top 5. Some of the prizes are based on who they are (or what they've done), others by the nature of their death.

Who Prizes:

  1. First Mc or Mac: $10 McDonalds Gift Certificate
  2. First Two Jacks: Sixpacks of Jack In The Box antennaballs
  3. Adopted: $10 Wendy's Gift Certificate
  4. Chinese: $10 Wal-Mart Gift Certificate.
  5. Professional Christian: Buddy Christ Bobblehead
  6. Prize Winning Author: $10 Barnes and Noble Gift Certificate - Gone (Wasserstein).
  7. No E in their name: $10 eBay Gift Certificate - Gone (Rawls).
  8. A musician: $10 iTunes Gift Certificate - Gone (Rawls).
  9. first or last name that starts with B - $10 Blockbuster Gift Certificate
  10. Italian or Italian-American picked to die during the year - $10 Olive Garden Gift Certificate
  11. first journalist to die - $10 Petco Gift Card
  12. first politician - $25 Sharper Image Gift Certificate.
  13. first black pick to die during National Black History Month - $15 Godiva Chocolates Gift Certificate.
  14. dictator of a Banana Republic - $10 Banana Republic Gift Certificate
  15. first female - $25 Victoria's Secret Gift Card - Gone (Wasserstein).
  16. Navy veteran or person well-known for their sailing prowess - $10 Old Navy Gift Card
  17. first confirmed Communist - $25.00 Laizzes Faire Bookstore Gift Card (Betty Friedan)
  18. first New York City resident - Rudy G Action Figure
  19. Jock - $10 Foot Locker Gift Certificate
  20. first radio personality - $10 Radio Shack Gift Certificate
  21. first Communist - $20 Daz Bog Gift Certificate.
  22. Dead Drunk - $25 Wine.com Gift Certificate
  23. first gay, lesbian, or transgenered pick - $10 Home Depot Gift Certificate
  24. first Muslim - $25 Honey Baked Ham Gift Certificate
  25. Big Talker - $21.50 Homestar Runner Gift Certificate
  26. letters I, M, A and O in their name: IMAO T-shirt
  27. Child Star: $15 eToys Gift Certificate
  28. Most Popular Pick - $25 Gucci Gift Certificate
  29. Kill Bill: $10 Williams Sonoma Gift Certificate
  30. Pothead: $10 Pottery Barn Gift Certificate
  31. You Ought To Be In Pictures: $25 Fandango Gift Certificate
  32. Nobel Prize winning scientist: $25 Disocvery Store Gift Certificate

How they Died

Here are my picks, and what prizes they would qualify for in the event they check out this year. I'll document them here as a quick reference.

So there's good prize potential in the bunch. Since you can only claim 1 prize, I'll be looking for Karl Malden and the Fandango gift certificate - that at least 3 movie tickets, more if I hit the day shows. The Honey-baked Ham sounds good, but at least 1 of the Terrorists has got to go.

#  | 01:19 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Webdesign)

Obligatory Dead Pool Post - January 03, 2006

A new requirement in the 2006 Dead Pool is to write about your picks once each quarter. That's 60 posts for the year - only about 40 more than I made here in 2005. That's going to have to change.

To make a little more interesting, I'm going to try and do 1 per week, and do it in a Rhyme. Here is my first effort - about one of the most popular picks (23 others), Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.

There lives a lady named Thatcher.
I'd rather hang with this T. Hatcher.
23 of us say,
We hope for the day,
That this year the Reaper will catch her!

The rhythm's a little off, but I couldn't miss out on the "Thatcher"/"catch her" rhyme.

I picked her last year based on her physical appearance and inability to talk at Ronal Reagan's funeral. Apparently, her memory is so bad that she has stopped reading because we she finishes a sentance in a book she can't remember the first part of the sentance.

She's worth about 45 points.

#  | 09:52 AM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Webdesign)

2006 Dead Pool - Now it Can Be Told - January 01, 2006

Now I can reveal my picks in the 2006 Dead Pool. The Dead Pool is a game where you pick 15 people with some claim of celebrity and if they kick the bucket in the year, you get points based on their age subtracted from 125. Sick and twisted? yes. Sometimes entertaining, absoulutely.

  • Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, (possibly born on October 20, 1966) another high risk job but lots of DP points to be had. "Would you like a laser guided missle for lunch sir?" Go get him Marines! UPDATED - SCORE!!!
  • Shamil Basayev (born January 14, 1965) a Chechen warlord, politician, terrorist, Chechnya's most famed contemporary national hero, and responsible for the Beslan school massacre in September 2004 in which over 350 people, most of them children, were killed and hundreds more injured.
  • Lloyd Bentsen (Born 11 February 1921) - another invisible celebrity. Another one of my solo shots last year. UPDATED - SCORE!!!
  • Ronnie Biggs (born August 8, 1929) - the man behind the "Great Train Robbery"
  • Estelle Getty - Former Golden Girl now suffering from Parkinson's Disease, osteoporosis, and Lewy Body Dementia.
  • Billy Graham, (born on November 7, 1918) - I read that his health is in decline- he's only 87 yrs old. 15 rosters last year.
  • Charles Haughey - Former Irish Prime Minister UPDATED - SCORE!!!
  • Don Ho ( born August 13, 1930) - famous Hawaiian musician and entertainer.
  • Don Knotts, (born July 21, 1924) - he looks much older than this. UPDATED - SCORE!!!
  • Karl Malden, (born March 22, 1912) - he looked pretty bad at last years Golden Globes ceremony. I'm guessing his appearance will get him on 10+ rosters this year (only 2 in 2004).
  • Jim McKay, (Born Sept. 24, 1921) - another holdover from last year's list. Just a hunch on this one.
  • Byron Nelson, (Born Feb. 4, 1912) - a holdover from last year's list. at a recent Masters, he shanked one into the crowd. The person who got hit wanted his autograph. I had him as a solo shot last year.
  • Louis Rukeyser (born January 30, 1933) - former host of the CNBC program, "Louis Rukeyser's Wall Street" UPDATED - SCORE!!!
  • Margaret Thatcher, (Born 13th October 1925) - she looked awful at Reagan's funeral and will likely be a popular pick.
  • Boris Yeltsin, (b. February 1, 1931) lovable drunk. Got 12 picks last year.

Here are my picks that were on last year's roster that I've relieved from the death sentence

  • Liz Taylor, (Born February 27, 1932) - "not afraid of dying" she says.... well do it in 2005 you old bat! On 9 rosters last year.
  • Nelson Mandela, (Born 18 July 1918) - another 87 yr old, scheduled to die soon. 9 others picked him last year, including me.
  • Henry Kissinger (Born 27 May 1923) - I haven't seen or heard from this guy in a long time. Is he "in decline"? I thought so last year. 9 picks last year.

That's it. That was my list I submitted. Here is a list of my also-ran's:

  • Boris Tadic, (b.January 15, 1958), President of Serbia.
  • Fidel Castro - fell off the bed and broke his leg. Brittle bones means old - scheduled to liberate Cuba with his death any day now. picked 18 times last year - I expect that to go up.
  • Kim Jong Il (North Korea) - Everybody's gotta die sometime, why not now. 8 rosters in 2004.
  • Mary Travers (peter, paul and mary) has leukemia, but expects it to go into remission.
  • Lady Bird Johnson (born December 22, 1912) - 92 yrs old. Not a lot points for these really old ones.
  • Queen Elizabeth, (born April 21, 1926) - her father died in his 50s of cancer, but the Queen Mum was 102. Average is 76 - she's overdue.
  • Hamid Karzai, (born December 24, 1957) - high risk job.
  • Iyad Allawi, (born 1945) another high risk, mitigated by US forces. His protection may diminsh after the elections, leaving him vulnerable. He'd be best advised to head for the Carribbean.
  • Abe Vigoda - Not dead yet, although he looks it.
  • hugo chavez(venuzulean president) embattled President
  • Alvaro Uribe Perez (President of Columbia) Drug lords may be targeting him for his cooperation with the US.
  • Abbas - replace Arafat, due for his dioxin soup any day now.

#  | 09:40 PM |  Comments Closed (0)  |  (Tags: Webdesign)